


i sit here drinking memories

by thorbiased



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Grief, Hurt, Hurt Sif, Hurt Thor, Hurt/Comfort, Post canon, Thor Needs a Hug, gets one too!!!!, post-Avengers: Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorbiased/pseuds/thorbiased
Summary: The first thing he saw was her dark hair, pulled back in her signature ponytail. The next was her brilliant smile as her eyes met his. Time seemed to still as she rushed out of the ship. Others murmured behind him, Brunnhilde may have spoken, but Thor heard nothing but her boots against the cobblestone and his name on her lips.The return of Lady Siftitle from “for my dead & loved ones” by ntozake shange
Relationships: Fandral & Hogun & Sif & Thor & Volstagg, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Thor & Brunnhilde | Valkyrie, Thor & Heimdall, Thor & Odin, Thor & Sif
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	i sit here drinking memories

**Author's Note:**

> back at again with the pain 

A cool breeze swept in from the sea, carrying with it the smell of salt and a fine spray of mist. Thor shut his eyes and rested his weight on the heels of his hands. Supple moss relented to the weight of his upper body and slipped through the spaces in between his fingers. With a prospering New Asgard at his back, it was easy to find a moment of peace, but because he’d evidently been cursed at birth, that moment was devastatingly brief. 

Thor felt the electricity in the air shift. A storm tugged at his belly, or was it anxiety? He’d started to doubt his ability to tell the difference. He opened his good eye and frowned. It must have been a storm, unless his anxiety had found some way to turn a gentle sea into a choppy mess and cast shadows on the earth. 

With a grumbled curse, Thor forced himself to his feet. Ever since he’d gotten back from his adventure with the Guardians (or, as Brunnhilde so loved to call it, the “stupidest bloody thing he’d ever done”), he’d been trying to be a more present...well, presence in the kingdom. Brunnhilde was still king, of course, but Thor was trying. And trying meant investigating whatever was causing a stir. 

After calling Stormbreaker to his side, he surveyed the sky. Gray clouds had begun to gather, but they weren’t the problem. A sleek, dark ship hovered above the town, blotting out the sun. Thor studied the craft, it’s large wings and lack of any Earth-based propulsion systems. 

Stormbreaker slipped from his grasp and hit the ground with a thud as realization struck. The ship was Asgardian, and there was a slim few who would have had access to an Asgardian vessel. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him all the way into the main square, where a crowd had gathered to watch the ship land. 

“Brunnhilde!” Thor shouted once he’d spotted her at the front of the crowd. She turned to face him, her dark braids spinning in a halo around her as she did. “It’s Sif. I know it. It’s her.”

Brunnhilde pressed her lips together, and her brows pinched in sympathy. “Anyone could have stolen that ship, Thor. We have to be careful.”

Thor’s heart dropped, but he nodded. “Of course,” he mumbled, wringing his hands together, “You’re right.” 

Brunnhilde reached out for Thor’s hand, and he gave it to her, but he kept his eyes trained on the ship. As if he could make Sif appear out of sheer will. His stomach tied itself in knots. The idea of seeing Sif again, his one living connection to his childhood, it was almost too much to bear. 

The ship landed with a collection of familiar noises; this hiss of steam, the clunk of heavy metal, the whir of hidden propulsion systems. For just a second, if he shut his eyes, Thor would have thought he was in Asgard again. 

He and Brunnhilde stepped forward as the ship’s ramp lowered into the yielding grass. Inside the belly was shadowed, and Thor’s eyes ached from straining to see who was beyond it. His heart beat wildly in his chest, so hard it hurt. As much as he hated it, he’d let himself hope again. If Sif was not aboard that vessel...

A lone figure stepped out of the dark. 

Thor didn’t dare breathe. 

The first thing he saw was her dark hair, pulled back in her signature ponytail. The next was her brilliant smile as her eyes met his. Time seemed to still as she rushed out of the ship. Others murmured behind him, Brunnhilde may have spoken, but Thor heard nothing but her boots against the cobblestone and his name on her lips. 

“ _Thor!_ ” Sif cried, launching herself into his arms. 

Thor stumbled backwards, but his body acted on muscle memory, and he held her tight. He crouched slightly so she wouldn’t have to strain, his arms rested comfortably in the small of her back, his right hand cupped the back of her neck. He’d done it all a thousand times before. 

“Sif,” he whispered. His eyes shut as he buried his nose in her neck. She smelled like grease and dust and sweat, but he would’ve stayed there forever. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you.”

Sif sobbed once. “I’m happy as well, Thor,” she whispered, “I’m so happy. Norns, I thought I’d never see you again. When I heard Asgard was gone, I...I feared the worst. 

Thor sighed. He wanted to pull away, disgusted at himself. He had no right to hold her, miss her, not when it was his fault that she was in pain. “It was my fault,” he said, attempting to let go of her. 

Sif held tighter. “ _Shh_. You always blame yourself, Odinson. You’re going to break under all that pressure.”

Thor swallowed. “There’s much I need to tell you,” he said, bringing his palm to rest against her cheek. He swiped his thumb under her eye and dried her tears. “But not here.” 

Brunnhilde stepped up to his side so quietly Thor didn’t notice she was there until she spoke. “Go on,” she said, placing her hand on Thor’s bicep, “I’ll settle the Asgardians down a bit. You can properly introduce me to Sif later.” 

Thor gave Brunnhilde an appreciative smile. He looked back to Sif. Dread swirled in his core, and that familiar sense of guilt crept back into his chest. He was about to break Sif’s heart, and possibly lose her, too. Once she knew what he’d done, she might run away and never come back. He wouldn’t even blame her. 

“Let’s go,” Thor managed, his voice as cracked as old porcelain. 

The crowd had thankfully started to thin, so Thor could lead Sif to the cliff where his father died without too much interference. Sif was quiet as they trekked up the hills. Her dark eyes drank in the town with wonder. There was a sadness in them, though. As lovely as New Asgard was, it wasn’t home. It still felt hollow, a cheap replica. 

Thor’s throat had constricted enough to keep him from breathing properly by the time they reached that stone-laden plain where Odin took his last breath. He sat in the middle of it, just where Odin had. Sif sat next to him. She hadn’t let go of his hand the entire way up. 

“What—” Thor started. He stopped to clear his throat, and maybe stall a little longer. Dread had turned to nausea. If he sat there much longer without speaking, he’d have to excuse himself. “What do you already know?”

“I know Asgard has been destroyed,” Sif said. She stared at the emerald waves as they crashed against the cliffside. “I’ve heard countless rumors. I personally hoped that the planet-eating squid had done her in. I thought that was most exciting.”

“I’m afraid the real story isn’t quite as...well, do you consider a mountain sized fire demon and the goddess of death to be exciting?” 

Sif couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “You’re lying, Thor. I really missed a fire demon and the goddess of death?”

Thor faked a sad smile. “It really was quite the spectacle. Oh, and you’ll never guess what else.”

Sif arched an eyebrow in response, and Thor grinned. “The goddess of death was my half sister.”

“Shut up,” she exclaimed, smacking him on the shoulder. “You’re making that up. That’s crazier than every rumor I heard. Odin had a daughter? Or was she Frigga’s…?

“Oh, you know she was Odin’s,” Thor scoffed, “I just told you, she destroyed Asgard.”

Sif let out a snort and shook her head. “Well, I missed out on something spectacular, didn’t I? I bet the Warrior’s Three had a grand time fighting that one out.”

Thor nearly collapsed and fell right off that cliff. He would have rather the earth crumble beneath his feet right then and there than have to tell her what _else_ had happened. Sif sensed it, of course, the shift in him. She was always so perceptive of his every mood swing and hidden emotion. Her playful smile faded away. 

“Thor...what else did you have to tell me?” she asked, but the sound of her voice and the utterly horrified look on her face told him she already knew. 

Tears flowed freely down Thor’s cheeks now, and his lips couldn’t form a single word no matter how hard he tried.

Sif clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob, but she asked him again, “Thor?” 

“They’re dead, Sif,” he finally choked out, “They’re gone. I’m sorry.” 

Thor expected her to be angry with him. What kind of a king, no, what kind of _friend_ would let them die like that? Instead, she fell against his chest as sobs shook her body. Her hands balled into fists around the fabric of Thor’s shirt. Shaking, he lifted his arms to encircle her. Before he knew it, he was sobbing, too. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he pulled her into his lap. She curled up and laid against his chest just like she’d done so many times before when they were small and exhausted from their many adventures. Now they were weary all the same, but the ache of age had set in, and they had known more loss than most. 

“I should have been by their side,” Thor whispered, resting his chin on top of her head. “I should have died with them. That was always how it was meant to be.”

“No, it should have been me. We were to protect you, but I was their commander,” she said, her voice so uncharacteristically hollow. 

“I don’t...I don’t even know what happened to them. They simply didn’t make it,” he said. Countless possibilities had spun in his head of how his friends had died. He hoped they went down fighting, somehow a part of him was certain that they had. “I’d ask Heimdall, but he’s gone, too.”

“What?” Sif cried, pulling away from his chest. Even though she would’ve sworn she’d cried every tear in her body, more fell at the news of Heimdall’s passing. “No…”

“Odin, too,” Thor whispered, staring out at the sea where he’d watched his father disappear into. “And Loki, again. He was alive.”

“He was?” 

“Aye,” he said, laughing a little under his breath; it was absurd how much he’d lost. It was too much for anyone to bear, and yet here he was. “He banished Odin to Earth and took over the throne.”

“Was it Hela?” Sif asked. Her dark eyes found the sea, too. Her hand wrapped around Thor’s. “Or...whatever happened after?”

Thor sighed. “Hela…she fell the warriors three. I suppose she did the same to Odin, but I don’t really know. Heimdall and Loki were killed by the mad titan.”

“And Thanos is the one behind the...dust?” she asked; and it was so innocent, the way she did. It almost stopped Thor from flinching at Thanos’ name, but it didn’t, and his hands started to shake again. 

Thor coughed once. “Aye,” he choked out, fighting the overwhelming sense of fear that threatened to overtake him. 

Sif bolted up and turned to face him. “Hey,” she said, taking both his trembling hands in hers, “Was it his name?”

He could only nod. Tears welled in his eyes, but Sif gently brushed them away with the pad of her thumb. “It’s alright,” she murmured, “He’s gone, remember?”

“And look at all he took with him,” Thor whispered, letting his head bow. Sif didn’t try to lift it, now. She just pulled him close and held him until the shaking stopped. 

They stayed still for hours, finally together after so long, and not looking to be apart ever again. It wasn’t until the sun sank below the clouds that they wordlessly stood and headed back into town. 

“Now on to a happier subject,” Sif said lightly before they’d reached the main square. She gave Thor an impish grin and raised her eyebrows. “Who is that woman that you were holding hands with when I arrived?”

Thor couldn’t help the blush that spread over his cheeks. “Oh, uh. That’s Valkyrie. I’ve actually abdicated the throne to her.” 

“She’s a Valkyrie?” Sif breathed, excitement lighting up her eyes. “I thought they were all gone.”

“She’s the only surviving one,” he said, “She’s...headstrong and fierce.”

“And beautiful?” 

Thor just shook his head. So perceptive. “Shut up,” he said, bumping his hip against hers. “She’s a capable leader, and I have a lot of respect for her.”

“Right,” Sif hummed, “and how does she feel about you?” 

“I...I don’t know. I suppose she tolerates me,” Thor mumbled as the blush on his cheeks spread down to his neck. “C-can we talk about something else?”

Sif chuckled, but nodded. “Alright, then,” she said, shaking her head. Her smile faded, but didn’t disappear entirely. “Are you okay, Thor? With everything?”

Thor considered the question. _Was he?_

“Not everyday,” he admitted quietly. His heart pounded with the confession. It wasn’t often that he was so open, but with Sif, it was easy to. “I’m getting better, though.”

She squeezed his hand, and pulled his arm closer to her. “I’m glad to hear that,” she said, “It will be better, you know? Not just you. It won’t hurt forever.” 

“Aye, I know.” Thor grinned and looked down at her. “Now, enough about me. What have _you_ been up to?”

Their voices echoed in the air as night fell, and when they arrived at Thor’s home, the lights did not turn out until morning. 

**Author's Note:**

> anyway...I hope y'all enjoyed! thanks for reading! please leave kudos and comments if you cried, or if you just liked it, i guess


End file.
